My Life Is Over

My life is over. My beautiful wife, Leslie,  joined a CrossFit gym a little over a year ago, but that’s not why my life is over. I’m super happy, excited for, and proud of her. She has accomplished so many things in the past year that she never dreamed possible before. And her squats are on point!

Getting to my original point, the reason for my life being over, The Missus has also been participating in Emily Schromm’s (She Who Must Not Be Named) 21 Day Superhero Challenge and Gut Challenges. From the very first time The Missus viewed SWMNBN’s video on Leaky Gut, she was convinced I suffered from the “terrible” condition. Naturally, I laughed and rolled my eyes, “Yes, my love,” I placated, “I’m sure I have leaky gut.” Fast forward to three challenges I have the brilliant idea of joining The Missus on her then upcoming 21 day challenge. Why would I do this? So glad you asked.

As I watched The Missus over the months since beginning her journey, I began to suspect that maybe it wasn’t all a bunch of hoopla. I even did some CrossFit myself, but had to stop, because of my old-man back. I saw the food she was eating, tried it, and liked it. So, why not? Boy was I mistaken. Don’t get me wrong, the food was good, and I felt so much better. I won’t go into all the gory details, but I was feeling good and really liking the food. And then, the 22nd day arrived, and I realized my life was over.

Fries? Delicious, golden, fried morsels of the heavens; I’ve lost that loving feeling. Just thinking about the tasteless, soggy centers makes me gag.

Cheese and dairy? Milk, backbone of my every dessert-ing desire and wish; I’ve lost that loving feeling. I now think twice before ingesting anything dairy related. We ordered pizza the other night, and my stomach was not happy with me.

Sodas? Diet Soda? Sweet, nectared ambrosia; I’ve lost that loving feeling. I picked up a drink from Jack in the Box, and ordered a large mineral water. Dasani. Lime. Mineral. Water. I did this of my own volition. What’s wrong with me?!?

Let me be clear, I have not forgone these foodie delicacies because I’m “trying to be healthy.” I have simply stopped liking/craving these foods – to me eternal foodie shame.

For instance, just this evening at a friend’s house, my wife – Acolyte of Em she may be – offered me ice cream. Ice cream! Dearest and sweetest food-love of my life (fun fact: I don’t get brain freezes. Yup.), and not only did I pass on a serving of my own, my taste buds refused to accept the spoonful I had from hers.

Sigh

My life is over.

At the very least, I have a long road of recovery ahead of me. Will I ever be able to eat these foods without fear of bodily mutiny? Only time will tell. Until then, I will happily eat my Paleo Chicken Salad,  Duck Fat Roasted Sweet Potato Bites, and Gluten-free Dark Chocolate Tart.

On a lighter note, The Missus just booked us some tickets to the upcoming Blogher Food Conference in Austin next month and I’m super excited. We’ve talked about going to this conference since she started food blogging a few years ago, and it’s finally happening. Austin, here we come!

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