If you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?
I did not want to write about this, mostly because if it’s written down, it true. It’s time to come out of denial though.
If I could change one thing about myself, it would be the character defect of giving up too easy. I must explain. I don’t give up on people easily. I don’t give up on projects. I don’t give up on life. I do however give up on myself pretty often.
This giving up on myself usually has to do with my health. For those of you who don’t know, I have TYPE II Diabetes. I was diagnosed on December 24, 2008, just two months after I got married. I began taking oral medication that would lower my blood sugar. My doctor recommended diet and exercise. My doctor told me that if I lost weight, there was a chance that I could reverse my diabetes and not have to worry about taking medication.
Being newly married, I got right on trying to lose the weight. I lost 30 pounds in about 6 months by cutting out bread, pasta and sodas and working out 3 times a week. I would check my blood sugar daily, sometimes 3x a day and my sugar levels were still 150-160. When I went to my 6 month check up, my A1C still wasn’t where the doctor wanted it to be but it was better. Within the next 3 months, I lost another 5 pounds, sugar levels were still the same and when I went to the doctor he said he was going to give me more medicine.
I started to feel discouraged, not to mention desperate. I gave up on the way I was eating and then slowly gave up on working out. I gained all 35 pounds back.
In 2009, I was introduced to the HCG Diet. At first, I was excited and I lost weight quickly! Of course, I was only eating 500 calories a day, who doesn’t lose weight eating nothing. I was miserable! The cool thing, I thought, was that I wasn’t allowed to work out because I wasn’t taking in enough calories to work out. Ask me about my blood sugar…still higher than normal. I lost 30 pounds on the HCG diet and then after my doctor visit with no changes in my blood sugar levels, I gained back 40.
Since then, I have gained another 20 pounds and have really struggled to take the weight off. I will tell you that I haven’t tried very hard though. It saddens me that I give up so easily. I have great support—my husband being my biggest cheerleader—but for some reason this has been one of my biggest struggles.
In 2009, my mom had a stroke and in 2010, she started kidney dialysis. My father is on dialysis as well. They both have diabetes that was untreated and out of control for most of their lives. I don’t want those things for my life. I want to be healthy, not skinny, but healthy. I don’t want to have to inject myself with insulin 3 times a day. I don’t want to have to check my blood sugar before every meal. I don’t want to end up on kidney dialysis or have a stroke.
So, if I could change one thing about myself, it would be that I could believe that I’m worth enough to not give up on myself because as I look at the pattern, that seems to be the issue. I want to be better, healthier, happier, less discouraged and less worried about my health.
I’m working on it friends. I’m trying really hard right now. I’m eating better, taking my meds on schedule, eating on a schedule and I just started working out (a little at a time) again recently. It’s time for a change!
My sugar levels have been where they have NEVER been before in the past couple of weeks. They have been at their lowest 84 and at the highest 118. I’d like to keep it this way. Keep me in your prayers!
You need to watch this video!
I’ll keep you updated on my progress.